The Relationship Vision Exercise
Having a mutual relationship vision is a great tool to remind you both of your desires and goals which you want to work towards.
It is important that we are able to verbalise what we would like for ourselves and what we want to share with our partner within the next six months.
What 10 things do you want for you and your partner to share?
In therapy we then go through them and we explain each one and decide on which ones are going to be included as part of the new contract. This way we have a clear plan and a communication pathway for any fears or resistance that may come up after we've decided on the six. We then share ideas on what this may look like by coming up with ideas to define details specific to the relationship needs.
Here is an example:
Partner 1
I would like for us:
To communicate more
To talk more openly about issues
Have more time together
Have more fun
Try new activities
To be less stressed
To have more sex
To be able to come back from an argument in a better way
To be aware of each others feelings
To be able to make decisions
Partner 2
To communicate wants and need
To go away for weekends just us
To celebrate the highs and lows instead of brushing it under the carpet
To christen every room in the house
Make time for each other
To make a plan for home renovations
To make time to repair family wounds
Remember how to flirt with each other
From each sentence you can see that there are similarities and there may be conflicts. All are relevant as we go through this in therapy.
I get the clients to open up what they actually mean by more communication by coming up with new activities. By making time for each other we are really honing in on what this means in the first place for the other person to get on board and then negotiate how this will look.
This will then form the new contract for the relationship for the next six months. Working towards the six primary goals that both partners have chosen setting out a clear and connected path.
Having a new contract does not mean that the old contract is dead. All the things that you ever had in the old contract that worked, I encourage the couple to bring them forward and use them in the new contract.
It's an opportunity to reboot to re-calculate and move towards more understanding, more curiosity and allowing for the fusion of the relationship to be renewed.
Try this for your relationship or look at what you would like when in a relationship.
What 6 suggestions above would you want in your contract and how would you implement them?
Working together in a shared goal for the greater good of the relationship. Each relationship vision is unique to the partnership and needs to come from a place of honesty.
Happy Relationship Visioning x