The Need for Emotional Validation in Relationships: how to feel seen and heard

One of the most powerful needs we bring into our intimate relationships is the need to be emotionally validated.

Validation is about being seen, heard and understood.

When our emotions are acknowledged instead of dismissed, it creates safety, intimacy, and connection. Without it, couples can feel unseen, lonely, or even question whether their feelings are ‘too much’ or ‘not enough.’

Many of us grew up learning to dismiss or minimise our emotions. Perhaps we were told ‘don’t cry’ or ‘you’re overreacting.’ Even, ‘your being over sensitive’ or ‘ you’re to much’ over time. We internalise that voice and start to invalidate ourselves.

The good news is this can be unlearned.

Both as individuals and as partners, we can practice emotional validation and meet this essential need in healthier ways for ourselves

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Step One: Honour your Own Feelings

Validation begins with ourselves. If we don’t acknowledge our emotions, it’s very difficult for a partner to do so. Notice when you’re tempted to push your feelings aside or label them as ‘wrong.’

Instead, try pausing and and remember Richard Swatch says ‘there are no parts, just parts:

• ‘Right now, I’m feeling…’

• ‘This emotion makes sense because…

By naming the emotion and linking it to your experience, you ground it in reality. We can also connect to our logical mind and ask ourselves: 'am I in the past or the here and now', this will give you an understanding of the family of origin template, if the past is working for you in the now and you need to find that space for the conscious you in the here and now.

Step Two: Recognise Self-Invalidation

Self-invalidation often sounds like:

• ‘I shouldn’t feel this way.’

• ‘It’s not a big deal.’

• ‘Other people have it worse.’

When you notice these thoughts, gently shift toward self-validation:

• ‘I’m allowed to feel this way.’

• ‘Today was hard for me.’

• ‘It’s normal to feel how I do.’

This doesn’t mean you have to act on every feeling, but you do need to let it exist.

Step Three: Practise Validation as a Couple

In relationships, validation is not about fixing or solving it’s about presence. You don’t need to agree with your partner’s perspective to validate their emotions, you just need to acknowledge them.

Here are some validating responses you can try with your partner:

• ‘I can see why you’d feel that way.’

• ‘That sounds really tough.’

• ‘It makes sense that you’re upset.’

• ‘I hear you.’

These small acknowledgments create a bridge between you, reminding your partner that their inner world matters to you.

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Why This Matters for Connection

When couples practice validation, arguments soften, empathy grows, and intimacy deepens. Instead of slipping into cycles of defensiveness or minimising, validation keeps you on the same team.

It says: ‘ Your feelings matter to me. You matter to me.’

So, next time you feel an emotional wave, whether it’s yours or your partner’s, pause and offer validation. It may seem simple, but it’s one of the most profound acts of love.