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Building Blocks of a Thriving Relationship: Key Components for Success

Updated: Sep 18, 2023

I wanted to share some insights from my many years experience working with couples regarding the components of a successful relationship.

The complexity of a relationship can sometimes make couples feel overwhelmed so these 3 components serve as an easy way to attract attention to the relationship.

Let's break down the key components:

Friendship in a Relationship

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of having a strong friendship with your partner. This means being able to communicate, renegotiate, and hear each other from the perspective of friendship.

A strong friendship provides flexibility and allows for change and growth within the relationship.

Think about how much time you may dedicate to your actual friendships? Could you consider putting the same energy into improving the friendship with your spouse?

How much easier would it be in conflict situations, that the heart of the relationship is based on friendship… you would not want to lose this through being competitive or complacent.


Good intimacy in a relationship feels warm and caring, wanting to connect is such an important aspect of a relationship.

It can be forms of affection from small gestures like making tea to more intimate physical touch.

Building intimacy involves being considerate of your partner's needs and reducing their stress whenever possible.

Intimacy in a relationship is a feeling of being close, and emotionally connected and supported.

It means being able to share a whole range of thoughts, feelings and experiences that we have as human beings. Intimacy is allowing for vulnerability which allows for the presence of safety.

Sexual Connection

Sex is important within a relationship and can benefit the relationship by building trust and continued intimacy.

A healthy sex life literally keeps you mentally and physically healthy. You are using muscles and feel-good chemicals like dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin are being released. These can still be felt up to 14 days after sex, which interestingly may explain how we can be so nice to each other after intimacy and sex. These chemicals are powerful and enrich the bond in the relationship.

So what can you do if these are not present in your relationship?

Vulnerability and Risk in Love

I encourage partners to be open and vulnerable with each other. Keeping one's heart guarded may hinder the relationship's growth and development. Communication enhances the bond if you listen from the other persons perspective. Then answer with authenticity not rehearsed answer.

Practicalities of Life and Prioritising Intimacy

I acknowledge that life holds responsibilities and accountability and can diminish the erotic aspect of a relationship. I encourage couples to make time for each other, prioritise their relationship, and ensure that external factors (e.g., children, work, deadlines etc.) don't interfere with their intimacy. Start to hear your excuses of not giving time to the relationship, they’re maybe deeper issues that need exploring.

Fixing the Sexual Aspect

Working on the sexual aspect of a relationship can have positive effects on other areas, such as communication and connection. Our arousal circuits seek sexual pleasure and novelty and the newness of experimenting. This may be with new positions, feathers, blind folds, toys etc and can give a new edge, to heighten the passion.

Allow yourself to surrender to each other with heartfelt love. If you are always protecting our heart you will always have the door closed.

Allow yourself to take the risk of love.

Sharing our lives with a love someone is so precious. Love comes in many forms.

Your template for love was built in your family of origin does this serve you well in your relationship. Time to write new script.

Lottie x

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